Dark Souls 3

Much thanks to the YouTube peeps called The Know for spreading the good word. But seriously, can we really believe them that these are actually leaks, and not intended to hype us up? I’m on the latter. But that’s besides the point. Dark Souls 3 is believed to be release next year and a lot of people prolly just shit their pants.

I’m not going to repeat what they’ve “leaked,” as several other websites have already did. Instead, I’ll just pour out some of my thoughts that no one would ever give a damn.

10 Starting Classes

They make it sound as if it’s a big deal. Personally, it isn’t. We’re definitely getting a knight, a sorcerer, a cleric, maybe a pyromancer comeback. Unless they’ve decided to follow Bloodborne’s unique take classes.

12 Locations

Now this is interesting. Locations throughout From Software games have been incredible and fascinating. Rich with lore and dark places to explore, such as New Londo, Heide’s Tower of Flame, and so forth. And in the latest-gen console, we can expect these 12 to be huge and much bigger than the original Dark Souls will ever be.

15 New Bosses

Sounds too few, eh? Dark Souls 2 had a shit ton of bosses, many of them are humanoid douche bags. Bloodborne bosses were, interesting, lore-wise and detail in design, but for some reason they’re missing that flare . Let’s face it, without bias or prejudice, Dark Souls 1 had the best bosses throughout the whole Soul series and Bloodborne. Artorias, Sif, Manus, Gwyn, amazing lore, amazing background music, and an amazing boss to ogle at — I’m looking at you, Quelaag.

45 New Enemies

Those better not be re-skinned hollowed farmers, knights of something-something, and ultra sized machete-wielding trolls. Please, please, make them unique.

60 Minutes of Cutscenes

This, for some reason, seems to be bothering people. From Soft’s games have always delved into minimalist structure, and the one hour worth of in-engine cutscenes makes it sound more story-driven than ever. That has never been the strength of the series we love so much, it’s the minimalist storytelling where the entire community works together to piece the entire puzzle is what gives us this illusion of sophistication that’s so fucking alluring. A story slapped on our faces, doesn’t sound good, indeed. But, I don’t know, maybe each boss will get an intro and we will get to appreciate the locations more when first introduced in a cutscene. Let’s assume each boss and location get a 30-second intro. My math is horrible but I count about 12 minutes at most… yeah, there’s still a lot of time there. Game intro will probably have at least 5 minutes, and we’ll probably get 2 endings with 5 minutes each at most. That’s about 28 minutes total. Some people have speculated that NPCs will get their own cutscene intros. We might as well assume that some bosses might be able to change forms mid-battle and get a cutscene for it. Then there are 15-30 seconds of trigger events. So yeah, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about here.

Something about Sacrifices

Okay, this one actually sounds cool. Dragging bodies and sacrificing them to create bonfires and invade other worlds sounds a whole lot more interesting than just writing “Help Me” on the floor. From this point on, we don’t really know anything and due to the lack of info, I can’t think of anything cool, I just know it will be damn it! Creating bonfires sounds fishy, almost as if to dare players into some trap. This leads me to believe that there are no permanent bonfires throughout the game. We create one bonfire, we’ll keep respawning there, until the next bonfire is made. Or maybe, restarting the game after quitting, would extinguish the bonfire — forcing us to stay in the game without reloading. It’s possible then, restarting after a quit would take us back to a bonfire, instead of the spot we saved and quit. Makes sense since players have been known to exploit save and quit tricks to get out of nasty spots and access shortcuts. It’s almost a nod from the developers, “You don’t fuck with us, we fuck with you.”

Heat Up

Speculation is that Heat Up is similar to Demon’s Souls World Tendencies. How you progressed through the game, would affect certain things. In this case, switching bosses. If this were the case, it works as an advantage for players who cannot beat a boss. Though I imagine the process would be painful. You know how From Soft’s “Risk and Reward” philosophy. It’s also possible that Heat Up is just a term, where bosses actually have a second form — whether they go morphin’ time with low health or they get a new filled up health bar right after the first one depletes to zero — which would be a bullshit experience. Their redeeming factor would be the rematch the boss starts in its second form. And NG+ totally screws that over. But, we’ll see.

Sword Fighting Arts

Basically, we get melee magic, or, actually skills — as in, RPG term “Skill.” This could make the game easier, since, we have a whole new trick up our sleeves. At the same time, it’s worrying how difficult the game will be with the inclusion of this.

What we can hope to expect

— A half-nude chick attached to some morbid motherfucking insect/arachnid.

— Expect handicap matches. Two-in-ones like the Throne Watcher and Defender, Ornstein and Smough, Maneaters and Gargoyle, or three-in-ones like the Ruin Sentinels or the cleverly named Shadows of Yharnam. It’s going to be a bitch if From Soft has come up with something far sinister than anything mentioned so far.

— An epic one-on-one final or penultimate boss battle against a human. Let’s look back a bit, Demon’s Souls had fake Allant, Darky 1 had Gwyn, Darky 2… I don’t know, I’m going to say the Burnt Ivory King. Bloody had Gehrman, or however you spell it.

— A great, vast world, and the more we explore, the smaller it becomes, making it even more awesome.

— More information is believed to be revealed in E3 next week. I will be there. I just hope my sponsors would allow me to wander, and I hope for Wi-Fi access.

— Prepare to die.

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The hedgehog review of Insidious 3

Why hedgehog? No idea, it just sounded cool.

Insidious 3 fires up all cylinders for a fast-paced, “breathtaking,” soul-wrecking, fear mongering machine, but stumbles a bit on the final quarter.

This is a movie that explores the loss of someone. It is also a sort of an origins tale, dwelling more into the background of Elise Rainer (Lin Shaye), which has, as the previous Insidious chapters, showed outstanding performance (which is most likely how she has been upgraded from a supporting role to a main cast.”

Insidious 3 opens up with the initial creep fest and slows down to a long sizzle. There are many places to rest, no jump scares, and you know something is about to happen when the demon-prey, Quin, is alone. Insidious 3 relies on good old scares, using the dark as a commonplace to generate tension and stress for the audience, at least it did for me, and the red lighting scheme just ain’t funny, at all.

There had been truly two big scares in the entire film. These scenes had everyone in the theater gasping and screaming. The first, tells us that just because we feel safe, doesn’t mean there aren’t anything out there ogling at us.

The second, was more like, “Hey there, what’cha doing? Just lie, feeling hopeless with literally no one here to help you, while I do this… and this… and… this… buying my sweet, sweet time, while I do this!”

Seriously, everyone in the cinema just crapped their pants there.

However, the scene that terrified me the most was during the film’s rising action, where we are shown a fragment of what would happen to Quin, if she were to be taken whole by the Man who Can’t Breathe.

The demons shown in the movie, as hoped for, been fantastic and terrifying. The demon who can’t breathe, itself tells us a rich lore of itself. Nothing much is said about it, but looking at it, we can speculate his story and how sad its life had been, turning into this vindictive son of a bitch.

The second half of the film, we’re introduced with two characters that are much welcomed to the ghost fighting crew. Their inclusion, however, is like having Gordon Ramsay filleting the horror genre. It becomes less scary from this point on. It’s still creepy as hell, but it’s no longer scary enough to cover your eyes.

It is not a spoiler to say the movie resolves its conflict, as the pattern of these movies shows the movie’s climax is reminiscent from that of The Conjuring. It bolsters on love, hope, and faith. And it is a sweet thing, though it is not as sweet here as in The Conjuring – perhaps because we’ve seen it done already?

We’re also introduced to a bunch of characters that have no greater role whatsoever. What I enjoyed from the first two Insidious films is that everyone shown has a greater role to play, and not just “Hey man, I’m here for you.” No, you’re not here when they needed you! Maybe that’s the point?

At first, I was sorely disappointed that the movie doesn’t bridge anything from the epilogue of Insidious 2 – the scene where we see Elise terrified for the first time. But as my uncle pointed out when he saw it, a lot of demons and dead things are pretty much pissed off with Elise and her repeated meddling to “police the spirit world.” So, it would make simply make sense that many demons are after Elise, and are attempting to lure her into twisted machinations to rid of her for good.

We learn that there are two worlds beyond this place known to mortals. Wandering in the dark, follows through much like the film’s theme of loss. If someone you love has died, you feel lost, and wander around the dark, fumbling your way to move away from it. And if there is anything you want to tell them, tell them, before those words fall in the dark. It was just interesting to point that out.

In a nutshell, until I see the fourth film, Insidious: Chapter 3 feels like a filler between stories, something to keep interest up while the studio figures out how to milk out the series for as long as possible.

Now listening: Live Like We’re Dying, The Script.